THE ANTISELF INSERTION FIC
by Luna-Starr
Summary: This isn't a selfinsertion fic. This character isn't me, has never held a controller, and most certainly won't fall in love w one of the main characters. Me trying to break the mold of 'selfinsertion', the ANTIself insertion.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nothing. Owned. Applies to all chapters.

Luna: This character in no way resembles me, for I'm a girl and he's a boy. He's not a fan boy. He won't fall in love with one of the characters. Hell, he doesn't even PLAY videogames. Unlikely, huh? I've decided to take every cliché and redundance of every single self insertion and break it, now. This is a testament to every self insertion fic that is just plain unoriginal ( I'm not saying all are, I've seen some good ones, but still…) and my attempt to breathe new life into it.

I'll probably fail. But that's OKAY! And I wanted to use a male character cause normally I use female ones (easier to use, cause I am female) but I wanted a challenge. With that said, I present to you: THE ANTI-SELF INSERTION FIC.

Enjoy.

Chapter 1:…It…talks?!

His name was Seth Isaccs.

A teen of 5'11, slim and lanky, with light brown hair cropped to the ears and dark, almost hypnotic eyes. He was calm and quiet in demeanor, thought of his Ipod like an extension of his being and brought the thing everywhere, and liked gloves; a lot. He was 16 when it all changed.

No one told Seth when it would all just go tospy turvey.

It just…happened.

He had logged on to the infamous, social life consuming Myspace, when he felt dizzy. Normally, when one was dizzy, they step away from the computer.

But Seth had new picture comments.

So that was out of the question.

He had placed the cursor right over it to click it and then-

A blinding flash of light.

When he woke up, he was on the floor. In what seemed like a very colorful plaza.

People milled about, along with…some sort of weird dog things.

He blinked, expecting to wake up.

He didn't.

So Seth stood up, and bumped right into a bluish pig creature.

" Watch it!" it cried, and his careened into it.

" What in the hell!" shouted Seth, eyes widening.

It was only then did he notice how oddly everyone looked at him, and how oddly everyone was dressed.

Seth quickly scanned the area, and a knot formed in his stomach.

_Where the FUCK am I?!_

He thought logically, first and foremost, and then he decided he could let himself panic after.

So he ran down the explanations…

He could be dreaming.

He could be high ( although…he can't ever remember smoking pot)

He COULD be in an alternate dimension, but what were the odds of that?

Seth was still disoriented, and almost stepped on a short _thing_ that bore bat wings, big ears, and a…pom-pom? He had an unexplainable urge to poke it, but he was too terrified to act on it.

" What are you doing, kupo?" it asked, irritated.

Seth couldn't help it.

He let out a girly, hi-pitch scream, just as a black-haired man was finishing a speech. The crowd was in an uproar, screaming stuff about ' going down with the Empire'.

"…Don't we live in a democracy, or something?" asked Seth, to no one in particular.

That's when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

The tapper was a girl, wearing a fitted, short, tan dress. Her hair was in blond pigtails, and he marveled how its shape seemed to defy the laws of gravity. Her eyes sparkled, with curiosity and she said, " Hey…are you okay? You kept screaming back there…"  
" Uh…yeah. Just…that weird thing…there's a lot of weird things here…" he said, sounding like a brain damaged 9 year old.

"…The Moogle?"  
"…Moogle?"  
" Yeah, the thing you screamed at."  
" Yeah, sure. What _is_ it?"  
The girl blinked in confusion.

"…Did you hit your head?"  
"…Maybe."  
It occurred to Seth that if he were to play by the rules of some 'dream', he'd better make up a story. Taking after his stoner friend Dave, he used a famous line of his.

" I'm just on a really bad trip."

"…Trip? To Rabanastre? Or the Giza Plains? Or…"  
Seth blinked, and realized he wasn't getting through to this girl.

" High. I'm really high and confused."

"…You don't seem to have a Float spell on you."  
He wanted to bash his head against a wall. It was like he was speaking a dead language or something.

" Stoned! Baked! Really, really out of it!…" he cried, and then, " …I lost my memory."

"…I see," the girl gave him a polite smile, that shouted, 'ha-ha-I'll-play-this-off-until-I'm-in-range-to-run-from-the-crazy-man'.

"…I'm Seth," he said, finally, extending a hand.

" Penelo." she said, smiling, this time, genuine.

" So…er…where are we? We're not in Pennsylvania anymore, eh?"  
"…Penn…Sylvania?"  
"…I'm guessing that's a no…"  
" Well, Seth, its nice meeting you; but I really have to go. See ya!" cried Penelo, and took off.

Seth sighed, seemed like he was alone again. Alone and confused. He really had to work on his valid story of _why_ he was here.

With no set destination, he found himself wandering to a bar. The barkeep refused to sell him anything, though.

He became distracted by the wall, though, it had all these posting on it. Of…monsters?  
One thing resembled a tomato. And it had a sign for help for someone to slay it.

"…Are they serious?" he asked, once again to himself, "…Who am I _talking_ to?"  
As if on cue, one of the men approached him and said, " Aye, looking at that monster, are we?"  
"…I guess."  
" Interested in it?"  
"…Meh."  
" Good! Now I'll tell you where to find it so you can slay it! When your done, I'll give you a nice reward!"

" What!? I didn't-" began Seth.

" A _nice_ reward! Of 1,000 Gil!

Gil was probably the currency. And Seth didn't know much of this world, but he did know that whatever world you were in, money was important. After all, time money.

The only thing was…he needed a weapon.

Sadly, Seth was as broke here as he was back home.

But…he did have an Ipod.

And no, silly, he'd of died before he'd of sold the thing.

He was planning to put the wire to some good use.

So, following the random man's directions, and ended up in an odd desert area.

Seth realized what a fatal error he'd made.

There was wolves roaming wide and free.

Suddenly, this seemed like a really BAD idea.

To calm his nerves, because Seth is NEVER one to back down, he blasted some Taking Back Sunday, and wore the ear phones around his neck. Stupid move, because then the wolves became attracted to the noise.

But since Seth, like any good teenager, listened to it at extremely high volumes that should shatter and wear down your ears before your at least 20. And the wolves weren't use to such noise, or music, and were temperately stunned.

So Seth ran like a little girl.

He ran past the cactus that were roaming about, and that formable dinosaur; and found the tomato thing.

Funny was it, that he was terrified of fluffy Moogles but the large ass dinosaur didn't seem to phase him in the least.

Taking his head phone wire and planning to choke the tomato thing to death. as much as it pained him, for he was a lover not a fighter and a lover of tomatoes; Seth charged.

And didn't get very far, because he collided with a guy who just moved to strike the same thing with his sword.

" Hey!" he cried, as the tomato thing ran away, due to the fumble.

The guy was perhaps Seth's age, with blond hair that he could only describe as 'flowing and Herbal Essence like', and a tiny vest that only seemed to cover his nipples.

Seriously, that thing must be drafty.

" You got in my way!" He continued, annoyed.

" Gee…sorry," said Seth, shrugging.

The guy still looked steamed, and then Seth sighed. He really shouldn't be so nice.

" Look, if we work together-"  
" I don't need help," he said, stiffly.

" Aw, come on! After all, 2 heads are better than one."  
" Whatever."  
The thick headed guy went on ahead after the tomato thing, and Seth caught up. The guy struck at it, as some wolves surrounded them. Luckily, the music warded them off, thanks to Seth.

The tomato thing made an annoyed noise, and Seth wrapped the Ipod ear phones around it; and held it upwards for the guy to strike.

" Now!" he cried.

"…I was going to hit it, anyway…" said the guy, blandly.

He did.

And it died.

"…We did it," said Seth, not very excited.

" No, I did it,"

"…You're a cocky bastard-"

"-Vaan," he finished for him, smirking.

" Seth." said Seth, and then scratched his head, " Look, can I have half the earnings? I sorta lost my memory and…I don't know what to do…"  
Vaan looked thoughtful, and suddenly seemed a lot less arrogant.

"…Alright. But if it wasn't for me, you couldn't of killed it with that…is that even a weapon?"  
"…Not really. Its an Ipod."

"…I…pod?"  
Seth sighed.

" Yeah…forget it."

Vaan seemed to soften a bit and said, " If you need work or anything, Migelo's always looking for people."  
"…Thanks, I guess."

The 2 some traveled back across the plains, as Vaan gave him odd looks and stared at the Ipod; curiously.

_What is he, like, back woods or something? He acts like he never saw an Ipod before…_

After seeing the unexplainable for today, Seth was ready to collect his earnings. They entered the Sandsea, and the man was overjoyed.

Only then did he notice the fact that a lot of the people seemed…to look alike.

Weird.

After receiving his reward, split with Vaan, Seth asked, "…Whats the empire? Last time I was awake in history, we had a democracy…"  
" What?…You really don't remember?"  
"…No."  
" Their the enemy. That's all you need to know. Anyway, I have to get to Old Dalan's place in Low Town. I'll see you around." said Vaan, and took off in the opposite direction.

" Ah…Sure."  
Looks like Seth was being ditched more than that annoying friend who latches onto people and sucks out their personalities.

Oh well.

Luna: Done! Please review, and I'm sorry if its not what your used to me writing. Its an experiment…(shifty eyes) review, please?!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1. But I do own Seth. All mine.

Luna: Yay! I'm so happy you guys like it! And yes, I was planning on making Seth a bit useless, not like the usual super powered god-mod characters everyone loves creating. He'll get better, but he'll still mess up for the sake of comedy. I'm sorry if Penelo and Vaan are a bit OOC, truthfully; their characters are weird…it's the first FF I've played in which they seem a bit more unpredictable than the others. _Italics are Seth's thoughts._ Here it is!  
Chapter 2

Seth decided to go to the weapons store and get himself something that had a little more 'oomfp' to it than an Ipod wire and obscenely loud music.

Something shiny.

Something that sliced things.

Something…sexy.

Okay, maybe not the last one.

Seth ended up getting a dagger, anyway, assuming it'll be like cake to use. If cake could make things bleed.

After slicing the air and unsuspecting dust particles, he felt confident enough to take on the world. Or maybe just those annoying cactus things that kept running everywhere in that monster area he was last in.

See, what Seth lacked in video gaming skills he made up for in logic. If noone here seemed to know where Pennsylvania was, perhaps people in the next town, city, etc; did. He still didn't want to accept the fact that he was probably totally isolated from his home, and his world.

Seth journeyed to the monster area, ready to take on the world.

Or maybe just one wolf alone.

One spotted him, and Seth let out a war cry resembling to that of a moose in heat, and sliced at it. Okay, would've sliced at it if he didn't fumble the thing and its handle didn't fall directly on his foot.

The wolf took full advantage of this and lunged at Seth, driving him back. He screamed curses that would make a truck driver blush.

And after that traumatizing, failed experience; he decided to avoid everything like the black plague.

_Besides,_ he told himself, _I bet some crazy animal rights activists will protest on my lawn if I kill anything…or something._

And nothing ruined your day more than petitioners and protestors.

Sweating, flushed and fatigued, Seth made it to a nomadic 'village'; if you could call it that. Cause damn, it was small.

The people there stared at him.

He smiled back.

For some reason, it reminded of him of some rap song, even though he didn't touch rap with a 3 ft pole.

" Penelo, you're here, too?" asked a voice, none other than Vaan.

IT seemed Vaan and Penelo made it here, as well. If Seth was into all that superstitious mumbo-jumbo, he may of referred it to 'fate.'

" Yes, what are you doing here?" She asked, confused.

" I'm looking for a sun stone, for Old Dalan," he explained.

" Ohhh…I see…Well, I'll come too!"  
Seth edged over, shyly. He never really interjected or forced himself on people unless desperate.

Screw it, he was desperate now.

" Sun stone?" asked Seth, as if he knew them both for years, " You don't say?…Can I come?"  
…_That didn't sound retarded…No…_

" Hey Seth," said Penelo, cheerily, " Sure, I guess."  
" Why?" asked Vaan, blinking.

" Truthfully…I have nothing better to do. And who's Old Dalan?"  
" Old guy."  
"…I wouldn't of assumed that form the name, no."

" He knows a lot of things, he's my friend,"

"…Would he know about Pennsylvania?"

" I don't know. Maybe."

" Then might as well I tag along."  
Vaan shrugged.

" Unless…you 2 are on some sort of cheap date that involves killing things, of course," said Seth, dryly.

" Wha?! N-No!" stammered Penelo, flustered, " We're not dating!"  
Vaan was a lot less embarrassed and just rolled his eyes.

" Just don't get in the way."

" Yes, sir!"

Vaan made him and Penelo wait at the exit while he asked around about the Sun stones. Seth was distracted, however, by some weird bird things roaming in a fenced area. They were fat…and pretty damn ugly.

"…What are those?" asked Seth, pointing.

" Cockatrices," answered Penelo, unfazed, " Their domesticated, so they won't attack, cool; huh?"  
"…I guess?"  
He probably would've summoned up enough guts to pet one, too, if Vaan didn't return.

" Looks like we have some traveling to do," he said, when he got back, " Seems like the only kid who can make sun stones has gone missing, and he was last seen in a glade."

"…Kids make the sunstones?" asked Seth, blinking, " Isn't there child labor laws against that?"  
" Why would you want that?" asked Penelo, " Then the orphans can't work…"

Seth felt slightly guilty, and made a mental note to curb his remarks. This place wasn't like home, and he either sounded like a jackass or totally heartless half the time.

But he'd end up forgetting his mental note in a couple minutes.

" Sorry…"

Penelo just smiled and turned to Vaan, and said, " Look what I got!"

She handed him some…feathers.

" Phoenix downs? Thanks, Penelo!" said Vaan, grinning.

"…Those are feathers," stated Seth.

"…Yeah…they are." said Vaan, not sure where he was going with this.

" Yeah…er…why'd she give you feathers?"  
" Your memory really _is_ shot, huh? Their phoenix downs. They revive you when you get KO'ed," explained Vaan, quickly.

" Uh-huh…"

" Well, let's get a move on."  
Vaan led the way into the desert, and Seth got the sickening realization he'd have to fight again.

First up to the plate was a dancing bird creature. Vaan didn't hesitate, and went in for the kill. Not wanting to be completely useless, Seth rounded him on the other side and sliced it. Surprisingly, he made a connection. Vaan finished it off.

" Yes! I did it!" cried Seth, although, technically; Vaan did.

But that's okay.

That one win that technically wasn't even his went to his head some much that he raced into the next enemy; a wolf.

Seth was so excited that he tripped over a rock. So Penelo and Vaan fought it off.

His ego had shrunk to the size of a pea.

" Hehe, your so clumsy," said Penelo, grinning.

"…No kidding," said Seth, as his brushed the dirt of his torn, faded jeans.

" Nice moves there," mocked Vaan, trying not to laugh.

" Bite me."  
As the battles raged on, Seth reverted to listening to Avenged Seven Fold, as his companions kept asking 'where that noise' was coming from. In which he scolded them for calling such a band 'noise'.

He also supported them with 'potions' and was mystified to how pelting it at them _healed_ them, when logically it should've broken and given black and blues. It seemed Seth really was a lover, not a fighter.

_A damn good one, too._

…Except he's never been past 1st base.

But that's okay.

After many a battle and different areas, they found a little kid in a smaller area.

" Hey, your that kid that can make me a sunstone, right?" asked Vaan, as he approached.

The kid looked distressed, and struggled to get up. But when he saw them, relief flooded his features.

" Vaan! That's rude," said Penelo, chastening, " I'm Penelo, the rude one is Vaan and the quiet one is Seth."  
Seth waved.

Vaan looked hurt and mumbled, " Gee…Penelo…"

" Hi…and yeah," answered the boy.

" How'd you get here, anyway?" asked Vaan, taking an interest.

" ME and my friends were making a dare to see who can stay near the werewolves longest, and…I got hurt running away from them," he explained.

"…Okay. So your friends just left?" asked Seth.

He nodded.

Sounded just like little kids.

Vaan produced a stone, and the kid said, " I can't move around, so your going to have to collect the energy from the dark crystals to make a sunstone. When your done, come back here, and I'll see if its up to snuff."  
" Sure." said Vaan, " Come on."

"…Shouldn't someone stay here with him?" asked Seth.

" What are you, chicken?" mocked Vaan.

Seth sighed.

" So much for being caring…"

" Vaan…" trailed off Penelo, sighing.

" I was kidding!" he replied.

" Wait!" cried the kid, " Stay away from the were wolves! Don't even try to fight them, they'll kill you!"  
"…Wasn't planning on it, but thanks," said Seth, and left.

Sure enough, a werewolf got too close.

" Run!" cried Vaan, for once, showing hesitation on the battle field.

Seth would've ran, too, if he wasn't such a sucky runner. The guy couldn't run if his life depended on it.

Like now.

And Seth felt something hit him and then…

It all went black.

When Seth woke up, he was confused.

He was on a plush, red rug, and familiar one; staring at the ceiling.

Seth was home.

He got up, shaking his head.

_Was that some sick dream? But I wasn't even tired…how'd I fall asleep like that?…and I was checking my picture comments, how'd I get here?_

He noticed that the Ps2 was on, and the T.V screen was blank. Odd, cause Seth never played the thing, his geeky, 12 year old brother did; though. Something gay called…RRP…? RGP?…No, RPG. Yeah.

Shrugging it off, Seth went back to the den to check his picture comments. He wasn't going to dwell on his episode/adventure, there was no proof it even happened.

Then, he checked his Ipod.

It was on half-power.

When he was on myspace, it was on full.

Fearing he had some sort of schizophrenic episode and he blacked out, Seth panicked a bit. He checked the clock. The exact same time he blacked out.

So…was his Ipod defected?

_Er…what's going on?…_

Right before he got to click his picture comments, he blacked out again.

This time, when he opened his eyes; Penelo's face was in his.

" Is okay?" asked Vaan.

" Yeah, I think so. Seth? Seth?" she asked.

" Present," he said, coughing, " What happened?"  
" The werewolf got you," said Vaan, " And we had to run out of there and use a Phoenix Down."  
"…So…I like…died?"

"…No…KO'ed. Totally different."

Penelo moved back and offered him her hand, which he waved away.

_WHAT'S GOING ON!?_

" Well, let's go find those Dark Crystals, then," said Penelo, peppy.

" Uh…Sure."

The Dark Crystals were easy to find, they stuck out like sore thumbs. Still, he found it ironic that a 'dark' crystal gave light energy.

And…what WAS going on, exactly.

_I bet my brother would be eating this up with a spoon. He loves stupid, pointless journey stuff. This is just like some stupid videogame he's always playing. And he wonders why no girl will date him…_

The answer was over Seth's head, and he followed the 2 some to get a sun stone. Whether a hallucination or another dimension, he decided he'd worry about that later.

Finally, after a lot of battles and Dark Crystaling, they went back to the kid. Who's leg mystically healed.

" Wow, this is a good sun stone!" he said, " I'll race you back!"  
" Yeah, your family must be worried…" said Penelo, as he took off.

" Wasn't he…like, disabled 10 minutes ago?" asked Seth, blinking.

"…We should go, too," said Vaan, ignoring him.

And go they did.

All the way back to Rabanastre.

" So where's this Low town?" asked Seth, as once they informed him that's where this 'old Dalan' guy was.

" Right here," said Vaan, and pointed to a staircase.

He followed, and found himself in what he considered the 'slums'.

Seth feared for his Ipod.

And his over all sanity.

Luna: Done! Review?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: NOONE CAN TOUCH SETH EXPECT MEEE! ( fan girls slowly walk off) but I don't own FF12, or copyright stuff.

Luna: Yay!!! Seems I have a bit of a following! I'm glad you liked it, I honestly thought it was going to be a flop…Here it is…I'm real sorry about the lateness, I got my other fic and my DAMN SOCIAL LIFE! ( shifty eyes)

Chapter 3

Vaan lead Seth past a 'Demented Merchant' who flaunted his weapons to customers then screamed they weren't for sale, and some other street people. The type of people his mom warned him not to get near, even if they offered him candy.

Finally, they got to the boring looking slum house.

" Well, I have to go," said Penelo, smiling, " And…Vaan?"  
" yeah?"  
" Don't leave, okay?"  
Seth nearly gagged. This girl was dropping more hints than a 50/50 on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionare.'

_How blind are you, for the love of all that's legally downloadable!_

" Of course…why would you say that, Penelo?" asked Vaan, who looked a bit guilty.

" I just don't want to lose anyone anymore…" she said, sadly, and then to Seth, " Bye Seth!"  
Seth waved, blinking.

" She has it bad for you," stated Seth.

" Ah, shutup," said Vaan, shaking his head, " I was here first so I'm going to go on ahead to Dalans. See ya."  
_What is with all this ditching…? Next time I see him, I'm going to run off and do some mysterious other things._

He killed some time with his Ipod, and hummed to himself. He was on his 3rd song when Vaan appeared.

" How'd it go in there?" he asked, casually.

" Uh…fun. I'll see you-"  
"-later, right? Wow, the people here have such social lives…"  
And Vaan walked off.

Shrugging, Seth walked into Old Dalan's place.

Old Dalan reminded him of an ancient Arab guy, and he stroked a weird looking cat just like that guy in Austin Powers. That one played by Mike Myers…

" Er…hi," said Seth, casually.

" I've known of your jounary here for some time," he said, all mysteriously.

" Really?…Are you psychic or something?"  
" No, I'm just well-informed. Word on the street was that some weird boy was roaming Dalamsa asking stupid questions and looking confused."

" Oh…" and the mystic quality of the man had quickly faded, and now he just reminded Seth of some sick drug dealer that shot up what he was supposed to sell a bit too much.

" What is it, you seek?"

" I want to go home, to Pennsylvania," said Seth, simply, " Do you know where that is?"  
He looked thoughtful for awhile, and then said, " if you go to the castle, you'll find what you seek."  
" Really? Thanks," said Seth, and walked out.

" What's Pennsylvania?" asked one of Dalan's groupies, curious.

" I have not the slightest idea."  
" Then why did you send him to the castle?"  
" Because Vaan is going to be there. It'll be interesting."

"…So, you just set him up, didn't you?"  
" Oh, if you want to look at it that way…then perhaps."

Our oblivious 'hero' decided to go on and look for this castle. Trouble was, Low Town was like a frickin maze, and he completely forgot that he got here via staircase. He was too busy looking for some large Exit sign or some big ass door or something.

Poor Seth.

Eventually, he began to panic a bit.

Much like a father who's driving a long car trip and not knowing where the hell he's going, he'll just keep going without asking for directions until he desperately needs it. Seth went past his ' I know what I'm doing' phase into a ' Where THE HELL AM I!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-insert more H's…

So Seth asked one of the helpful potential muggers where 'UpTown' was, since he assumed that's where he was before this was called; and he got another odd look. Then, possible mugger pointed out the staircase; which was 5 inches away from his current position. Feeling like a retarded monkey, he nodded and went his way.

So Seth walked through the city, lost as ever.

He was lost for 2 hours.

He had the sense of direction of a dying pigeon on acid.

When he finally got to the castle, Penelo was there first, being held back by guards.

" No! Vaan!" she cried, as the guards restrained the petite girl, " He did it on impulse! He didn't mean it!"

Vaan, some random British looking dude…and a…

_Holy Shit! Does that chick have bunny ears!?_

Seth eyed the PlayBoy bunny, in fascination and terror.

She stared back, her ruby eyes boring into him.

" Sorry, Penelo," said Vaan, sheepishly, " I'll give you your share next time."  
One of the soldiers sighed and bashed him in the head with his gun.

The shackled man who reminded Seth of Hugh Grant for some unexplainable reason; handed her a piece of shiny stone.

"Please hold on to this for a while. At least until I can return Vaan to you," he said.

" You idiot!" She cried, as they were taken away.

Seth blinked, clearing his mind off of the odd, Play Boy Bunny girl.

" Penelo…" he said.

" Seth! Thank the gods!" she screeched, and clung to him, " You have to help me get Vaan out of there! He won't last! That idiot! That jerk!"  
"…You wanna bone him," he said, dryly.

" Seth!" she cried, looking about to cry.

Feeling slightly guilty, he said, "…How?"  
" I-I don't know…" answered Penelo, dejected and honest.

" We're figure it out," lied Seth, and led her away from the scary guards who looked as if they were out for blood.

Seth, however was confused.

_Nothing happened there other than Vaan getting arrested…Whats up with that!?_

He stayed calm, however.

Maybe, he had to help Vaan.

"…I have an idea," said Seth, suddenly.

Penelo brightened.

"…I'll do something illegal. And they'll sent me to jail," he said, " Then I could break Vaan free."  
_Break him free?! What am I saying? I'm 16, I've never done any hard time or anything real illegal expect that one time I got piss drunk at that party and that girl hooked up with me…but she came on to me, anyway…Or that time I jaywalked._

" What? But…you don't even know me or Vaan that well…" said Penelo, surprised.

" Eh, just call it my good deed for today," he said, pasting on a false smile.

_This is SO gonna suck._

Oh, yes it was, dear Sethy.

So, he decided he'd have himself a 5 finger discount.

On a bottle of potion.

This 'potion' was a pretty shade of blue, and he was honestly interested to find out what it tasted like. Blueberry? …Watermelon? Oh, the possibilities…

So he very deliberately took it and stuck it in his pants jeans.

" STOP THEIF!" cried someone.

And he was off.

Run Seth, run.

He gave quite a chase, too.

Before…well…they got him.

And that, kids, is how Seth got a jail time record.

They escorted him into the jail area. It was the oddest one he's ever seen…ever.

Seth walked around the area, clutching his ass a little; scared of what may happen if he were to bend down or turn his back around.

"…Vaan?" he asked, blinking.

The people there were nice.

If you considered anti-social, fearful, rapisty looking people nice.

A pig thing gave him the once over.

Seth wanted to _die._

So…he played his Ipod.

But only in one ear…he had to be semi-aware.

That's when he saw a brawl, a bunch of pig things against…Vaan and that Hugh Grant dude.

So Seth jumped in.

" Seth?" asked Vaan, socking one in the mouth.

" Yeah…Penelo sent me."

" Oh…"

Seth ended up getting pushed down, and moaned as he hit the floor.

So he reflected the light from his Ipod and blinded one, giving British man the edge.

" Why thank you," he said, smirking, " The name's Baltheir-"

" Seth-"

Seth ducked as the pig's fist connected with what could've been his head.

Ahhh…Prison life.

Luna: Short, I know. I'll update faster, I promise…REVIEW!?


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